They/Them: So basically, I’m sexually attracted to my best friend’s sister and I don’t know what to do. All my life I’ve been attracted to men but this is the first time I really feel something different deep down in my heart. Like truly, truly, deep down. And the thing is my family is extremely homophobic because of our religious beliefs. So I want to be in denial of these exhilarating emotions but I just can’t deny my true nature and self. My best friend doesn’t know I am gay and in love with her sister and idk if I should tell her or just never say anything. Her sister is definitely gay she’s had past girlfriends so maybe I have a chance but PLZ HELP I NEED GUIDANCE I’M SO STRESSED. Thank you so much, much love xx
Lilla: I appreciate you coming forward with this situation as there are not only tensions within yourself, but also with your family, friends and your crush, the whole package overall. There is no need to be in denial of your emotions because of your family having different beliefs than yourself. In a way, you can think of sexuality as a political belief within a family, just because your parents or siblings conform to one political party, it doesn’t mean it is the political party that you truly lean towards. Don’t feel peer pressured into a certain way that life should be lived. Everyone is different, some people feel that expressing their sexuality to their parents is needed, due to underlying pressure to follow in the footsteps of their values unconsciously, or other reasons. Other people believe that their parents knowing their sexuality is none of their business but the individual’s own business.
In the end, it is your sexuality and you can choose to tell or not tell those whom you choose, as you feel inclined.
You don’t need to be in denial of your attraction, as you have expressed that this emotion is strong. Instead, it is something new you may be learning about yourself in terms of different people appearing into your life and learning from them. One can also be attracted to the wrong people in certain cases, and maybe because they manifest a certain romanticized idea, we associate this idea to them, like when one takes in looks over personality in “bad boy archetypes”.
In terms of approaching your crush, even if you reveal your emotions there is a possibility that it might end up hurting you if they do not reciprocate those emotions, no matter their sexuality. There is a possibility that they may feel bad for you after the hypothetical rejection, which will make you more uncomfortable as there is a feeling of being a burden around them. I would recommend getting to know her more, and spend more time with her without labeling it as romantic as you resonate around their company if you are worried about romantic rejection. I believe that eventually you can even ask her about her past relationships or sexual journey, maybe hinting that you think that you might need her guidance in this area. This can lead to a moment where you can express that you believe that you are also attracted to females. In this situation you are not expressing your love specifically about her, but generally.
The fact that your crush’s sister is your best friend could lead to complications if you reveal that it is their sister. Interactions between the three of you may be tricky if your best friend starts to behave differently with the knowledge of the crush’s identity. For both your crush and your best friend, you decide when it is the right time to reveal something to them, hopefully at a time where it doesn’t feel stressful but natural. You also have the authority to determine how much you want to tell them, and if your best friend feels offended, they shouldn’t. They should be appreciative that you finally brought courage upon yourself to entrust them with a concept you have been pondering on yourself.
